Coyote V. Acme by Ian Frazier

Author:Ian Frazier
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Published: 2012-09-27T04:00:00+00:00

[Discard.]

Dear Sherman,

Please remit all surplus scratch A.S.A.P. to

[Discard.]

Dear Readers:

Sometimes, at the end of the column, I like to take a moment just to chat with you. You know, I receive three thousand to five thousand letters a week from you, and the vast majority of them are fine. You’re good, generous people, living hand to mouth—I salute you. I know what it is to have to work for a living, because I’ve seen people doing it; I’m sure we all have. I don’t resent your pleas for money. I give my full attention to each and every one, and then judge solely on the merits. Sherman Junior and daughter Carol and I sit in the afternoons in the office part of the house with mail just heaped around our feet. When a letter strikes us as particularly new in approach, we sometimes read it aloud. Every so often, one or more will really get to me. You may think that other rich people and I are very different from you. Well, we are and we aren’t. I’d like to explain what I mean with a little story.

Thirty years ago I was a young patent attorney.

Well, a lot has changed since then. Look around you. On every corner, individuals who think the world owes them a living. Check-bouncers, bill-dodgers, fare-jumpers, payment-skippers—the world owes them exactly what they deserve, which is precious little. Fortunately, ours is a system devised long ago by men far wiser than ourselves, which insures to those who possess wealth the power to keep it, and to those who don’t good wishes for the best of luck. You see, money, in and of itself, is important; but what is even more important is obtaining other money in addition. And far, far beyond either of these is the rich inner satisfaction. Supposedly, it is a feeling which no amount of money can buy.

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